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Bad jokes.

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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby The Beav » Mon Jul 08, 2013 10:46 am

The Suburban Avenger wrote:What happens when you pour gasoline on a homeless guy and set him on fire?

I don't remember. I was too busy jerking off.


And you were upset about all the Tub Girl jokes?
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Morty » Mon Jul 15, 2013 1:06 pm

Image

I'm pretty sure that when the authorities find the culprits responsible for this they will be grounded and have their X-Box and Playstation privileges removed.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby middle aged female » Mon Jul 15, 2013 1:22 pm

Morty wrote:Image

I'm pretty sure that when the authorities find the culprits responsible for this they will be grounded and have their X-Box and Playstation privileges removed.

Apparently it was an intern for the NTSB

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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby D-Day » Tue Jul 16, 2013 4:03 pm

Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out flaming ducks.
Where the hell am I going? And what the hell am I doing in this handbasket?
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Morty » Wed Jul 17, 2013 9:49 am

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a

convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"



"No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."



"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"



"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."



Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House."



The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"



"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00."



"That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.

"I'd like her for the night."



"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then pointing to an

85 year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby guest » Wed Jul 17, 2013 1:41 pm

What did the monkey say when the train ran over its tail?

It won't be long now.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby middle aged female » Fri Jul 19, 2013 10:05 pm

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand.
The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.

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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby middle aged female » Sun Jul 21, 2013 9:20 pm

Ole and Lars who worked together were both laid off, so off they were to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week unemployment pay.
Lars was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave him $600 a week.
When Ole finds out he is furious. He stormed back to find out why Lars, his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor." "What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on. He pulls it over his head and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"

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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Doctor Detroit » Mon Jul 22, 2013 9:20 am

middle aged female wrote:
Ole and Lars who worked together were both laid off, so off they were to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week unemployment pay.
Lars was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave him $600 a week.
When Ole finds out he is furious. He stormed back to find out why Lars, his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor." "What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on. He pulls it over his head and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"


An Ole and Lars joke? Was I redirected to the Prairie Home Companion web site?
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby middle aged female » Mon Jul 22, 2013 9:36 am

Doctor Detroit wrote:
middle aged female wrote:
Ole and Lars who worked together were both laid off, so off they were to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week unemployment pay.
Lars was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave him $600 a week.
When Ole finds out he is furious. He stormed back to find out why Lars, his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor." "What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on. He pulls it over his head and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"


An Ole and Lars joke? Was I redirected to the Prairie Home Companion web site?

Hey, it was a slow Sunday.

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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby The Beav » Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:14 pm

Doctor Detroit wrote:
middle aged female wrote:
Ole and Lars who worked together were both laid off, so off they were to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week unemployment pay.
Lars was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave him $600 a week.
When Ole finds out he is furious. He stormed back to find out why Lars, his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor." "What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on. He pulls it over his head and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"


An Ole and Lars joke? Was I redirected to the Prairie Home Companion web site?


That would be Ole and Lina, I believe.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Doctor Detroit » Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:35 pm

The Beav wrote:
Doctor Detroit wrote:
middle aged female wrote:
Ole and Lars who worked together were both laid off, so off they were to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week unemployment pay.
Lars was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave him $600 a week.
When Ole finds out he is furious. He stormed back to find out why Lars, his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor." "What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on. He pulls it over his head and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"


An Ole and Lars joke? Was I redirected to the Prairie Home Companion web site?


That would be Ole and Lina, I believe.


Lena, yes. But Lars and Sven make their appearances.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Morty » Tue Jul 23, 2013 11:19 am

Doctor Detroit wrote:
The Beav wrote:
Doctor Detroit wrote:
middle aged female wrote:
Ole and Lars who worked together were both laid off, so off they were to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week unemployment pay.
Lars was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave him $600 a week.
When Ole finds out he is furious. He stormed back to find out why Lars, his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor." "What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on. He pulls it over his head and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"


An Ole and Lars joke? Was I redirected to the Prairie Home Companion web site?


That would be Ole and Lina, I believe.


Lena, yes. But Lars and Sven make their appearances.



Only because "Stosh and Wadju" is no longer PC.
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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Mad Max » Mon Jul 29, 2013 11:39 am

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Re: Bad jokes.

Postby Mulligan » Thu Nov 28, 2013 12:26 pm

X-post to Shit My Dad Emails Me:

I used to be with it, but then they changed what 'it' was. Now, what I'm with isn't 'it,' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary.
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